Today my socks are indescribable. Seriously, I can't describe them. I guess I can say that they have white toes with white and brown stripes on the bottom of the feet and a white and brown pattern on the top of the feet.
They are...a little out of control. A little hodgepodge. And that's what makes this so relevant.
I mentioned back in my first post that we aren't in control. Not after a while anyway. And I can't describe the feeling. It's just...out of control.
But I will try and describe my view point. I think there is this stigma on eating disorders (and all mental illnesses) because people don't understand that they aren't something that can just be switched on and off. But you can't.
Some people may take offense to this, but eating disorders are a lot like cancer. We don't want them, we didn't ask for them, and we can't just make them go away. I dare you to ask someone with cancer why they don't just get rid of it as people are want to do with those who have an eating disorder. It won't go down well with them just as it doesn't go down well with us.
I was a slave to my eating disorder. I really was. I just couldn't eat. After a while, I wasn't the one deciding...anything. It spiraled and it spiraled fast.
And even now I have to monitor myself. Even now I sometimes look in the mirror and think awful, awful things about myself. I even relapsed last year between September and January and limited all of my food intake trying to get back to perfect.
What I'm trying to say is that...we can't help it. So don't say insensitive things that imply that we do. Because it makes me at least think that I've failed and that just makes everything worse.