Soapbox Saturday #7

I know it's a Sunday, but for continuity's sake, let's all just pretend that it's still Saturday.

*gets up on soapbox*

Before I begin this week's soapbox, I must first give a trigger warning. This week's rant deals with sensitive issues of the sexual abuse variety. So, if this will upset you please don't read it. Instead, please enjoy this picture of my puppy at the park. He likes the park. Text will start right after so...don't go beyond the photo.

Marco at the park.

Anyway, my friend posted a photo to facebook of a sign on a post saying,

I don't think my shoulder, bra strap, belly button, legs, or back are going to distract any of the male students or faculty. This dress code is telling girls to cover up so that they don't distract males because "boys will be boys". It's hot. Girls are going to wear shorts and tank tops. We should stop teaching women to change so that they don't have to fear men, and start teaching men to respect women. This is simply perpetuating rape culture.

And someone commented on it saying that "women should think about what they wear" because men are "basically predators" and that the way you dress does "invite bedroom thoughts." Basically, she was saying that the way women dress is what causes them to be sexually assaulted. Which is wrong.

No matter how a woman dresses, it is never her fault for being sexually harassed, assaulted, or raped. End of discussion.

I go to the gym and there are plenty of fine, male specimens walking around in tight shirts and short little shorts. My first thought is not, "Huh, how about I force myself sexually upon them without their consent or want." The same woman said that this is because I am not a man. But do you want to know why I don't think about raping the sexually attractive young men at my gym in their revealing, provocative clothing? Because my parents taught me that rape is wrong.

Men are not slaves to their sexual urges. They are not predators. We have grown past our animal instincts. Men do not rape simply because they are men. And women thinking that means two thing; that they have very little respect for the men in their lives and that they view themselves as objects.

And that makes me angry. So very angry. To all of my women friends out there, we are not objects. We deserve respect. We deserve to walk down the street and not be scared that we might be raped. That, I feel, is a basic human right. And believing in the "boys will be boys" idea, only fuels the need for this fear.

We shouldn't be teaching our daughters how not to get raped because we cannot make that decision for the guy. We should be teaching our sons not to rape. And I know that sounds simple, but there seems to be a lot of confusion as to what rape actually is.

Violent, aggressive, and predatory rape has very little to do with what the woman (or man) is wearing and has everything to do with power. The people who commit these acts are in need of professional rehabilitation. Everyday rape, if you will excuse the term, is caused by ignorance. So to make things clear here's a few pointers if you ever find yourself in question about whether or not what you are about to do justifies as rape, here are a couple of pointers.

1. If you and your significant other are in a "sexy" situation and you start to take it a bit further and he or she says "stop", if you keep going...that's rape. Even if they have had sex with you before. You need permission every time.

2. If you two are in the middle of having sex and he or she says "stop" but you keep going, that's rape.

3. If he or she is unconscious and you take advantage of that by having "sexy sexy time" with them, that's rape.

4. If he or she does not say anything and you start the "sexy sexy time" that's rape.

5. If he or she says ANYTHING except "yes" and you have sex with them, that's rape.

6. The aforementioned rules apply if you are having or planning to have sex with a stranger, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or you husband or wife. YES, even if you are married you have absolutely NO right to have sex with your partner if they do not want it.

So there you have it. There are six basic, simple rules to avoid raping someone.

All of this is my way of saying that it's not the victim's fault when they are raped. This way of thinking is wrong and the only way that we will change the way society thinks is by standing up and speaking out.

*gets off soapbox*

Lasts

So, this week has gone by incredibly fast. Too fast for me to even appreciate what it was. This week, was the last week of term. This week I went to my last lecture, handing in my last essay, and turned in my last piece of course work in my undergraduate career. Unfortunately, I'm not done just yet. My last undergraduate exam is on June 2 and then I will officially be done. Unless I really screw those two exams up, I will graduate in July and leave Aberdeen in August.

It's hard for me to believe that it's almost over and that I won't be here in three months. I'm...sad. And excited. And scared. There are a lot of feelings swimming around in my head right now, but "sad" is definitely the front runner. I knew that it probably wouldn't be forever, but I still can't believe that four years is almost up. How do I move four years of things? How do I leave four years of relationships? I suppose everyone has to do it at some point in their life, but Aberdeen has been my home for four years...I just can't imagine leaving it.

I think maybe it would be easier if I weren't going back to the states. Keeping up friendships across seas is difficult. And I have some good friends here. Friend that I have no intention of losing. I've been going over it in my mind and I honestly don't want to leave because of some of the friends I've made here.

Anyway, enough of all of the reflection. Currently, it is what it is. I will be leaving in August and heading back stateside. Maybe I'll be back in the UK for good some day. I'd like that. But it's not now. Time to look to the future. The friends who are meant to stay friends will.